Guff Rewrites History

For each player, choose target nonenchantment, nonland permanent that player controls. Those permanents' owners shuffle them into their libraries. Each player who controlled one of those permanents exiles cards from the top of their library until they exile a nonland card, then puts the rest on the bottom of their library in a random order. Each player may cast the nonland card they exiled without paying its mana cost.

Ancient Silverback

{G}: Regenerate Ancient Silverback. (The next time this creature would be destroyed this turn, it isn't. Instead tap it, remove all damage from it, and remove it from combat.)

Swiftfoot Boots

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.)
Equip {1}

Game Trail

As Game Trail enters the battlefield, you may reveal a Mountain or Forest card from your hand. If you don't, Game Trail enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Rockfall Vale

Rockfall Vale enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Simian Simulacrum

When Simian Simulacrum enters the battlefield, put two +1/+1 counters on target creature you control.
Unearth {2}{G}{G} ({2}{G}{G}: Return this card from your graveyard to the battlefield. It gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step or if it would leave the battlefield. Unearth only as a sorcery.)

Sol Ring

Forest

Gorilla War Cry

Cast this spell only during combat before blockers are declared.
All creatures gain menace until end of turn. (They can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)
Draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep.

Hooting Mandrills

Delve (Each card you exile from your graveyard while casting this spell pays for {1}.)
Trample

Simian Spirit Guide

Exile Simian Spirit Guide from your hand: Add {R}.

Invigorating Hot Spring

Invigorating Hot Spring enters the battlefield with four +1/+1 counters on it.
Modified creatures you control have haste. (Equipment, Auras you control, and counters are modifications.)
Remove a +1/+1 counter from Invigorating Hot Spring: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control. Activate only as a sorcery and only once each turn.

Ferocious Tigorilla

Ferocious Tigorilla enters the battlefield with your choice of a trample counter or a menace counter on it. (A creature with menace can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)

Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer

Whenever Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer deals combat damage to a player, create a Treasure token and exile the top card of that player's library. Until end of turn, you may cast that card.
Dash {1}{R} (You may cast this spell for its dash cost. If you do, it gains haste, and it's returned from the battlefield to its owner's hand at the beginning of the next end step.)

Gruul Turf

Gruul Turf enters the battlefield tapped.
When Gruul Turf enters the battlefield, return a land you control to its owner's hand.
{T}: Add {R}{G}.

Hardened Scales

If one or more +1/+1 counters would be put on a creature you control, that many plus one +1/+1 counters are put on it instead.

Gorilla Shaman

{X}{X}{1}: Destroy target noncreature artifact with mana value X.

Simian Sling

Equipped creature gets +1/+1.
Whenever Simian Sling or equipped creature becomes blocked, it deals 1 damage to defending player.
Reconfigure {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control; or unattach from a creature. Reconfigure only as a sorcery. While attached, this isn't a creature.)

Rhythm of the Wild

Creature spells you control can't be countered.
Nontoken creatures you control have riot. (They enter the battlefield with your choice of a +1/+1 counter or haste.)

Raging Gorilla

Whenever Raging Gorilla blocks or becomes blocked, it gets +2/-2 until end of turn.

Summit Apes

As long as you control a Mountain, Summit Apes has menace. (It can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)

Curse of Opulence

Enchant player
Whenever enchanted player is attacked, create a Gold token. Each opponent attacking that player does the same. (A Gold token is an artifact with "Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

Blasphemous Act

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature on the battlefield.
Blasphemous Act deals 13 damage to each creature.

Viridian Revel

Whenever an artifact is put into an opponent's graveyard from the battlefield, you may draw a card.

Gorilla Chieftain

Beast Within

Destroy target permanent. Its controller creates a 3/3 green Beast creature token.

Monkey Cage

When a creature enters the battlefield, sacrifice Monkey Cage and create X 2/2 green Monkey creature tokens, where X is that creature's mana value.

Wily Bandar

{2}{G}: Wily Bandar gains indestructible until end of turn. (Damage and effects that say "destroy" don't destroy it.)

Karplusan Forest

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}. Karplusan Forest deals 1 damage to you.

Kibo, Uktabi Prince

{T}: Each player creates a colorless artifact token named Banana with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add {R} or {G}. You gain 2 life."
Whenever an artifact an opponent controls is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control that's an Ape or a Monkey.
Whenever Kibo attacks, defending player sacrifices an artifact.

Uktabi Orangutan

When Uktabi Orangutan enters the battlefield, destroy target artifact.

Realmwalker

Changeling (This card is every creature type.)
As Realmwalker enters the battlefield, choose a creature type.
You may look at the top card of your library any time.
You may cast creature spells of the chosen type from the top of your library.

Grunn, the Lonely King

Kicker {3} (You may pay an additional {3} as you cast this spell.)
If Grunn, the Lonely King was kicked, it enters the battlefield with five +1/+1 counters on it.
Whenever Grunn attacks alone, double its power and toughness until end of turn.

Treetop Village

Treetop Village enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {G}.
{1}{G}: Treetop Village becomes a 3/3 green Ape creature with trample until end of turn. It's still a land. (It can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)

Inspiring Call

Draw a card for each creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it. Those creatures gain indestructible until end of turn. (Damage and effects that say "destroy" don't destroy them.)

Liquimetal Coating

{T}: Target permanent becomes an artifact in addition to its other types until end of turn.

Zodiac Monkey

Forestwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player controls a Forest.)

Yavimaya Steelcrusher

Enlist (As this creature attacks, you may tap a nonattacking creature you control without summoning sickness. When you do, add its power to this creature's until end of turn.)
{1}, Sacrifice Yavimaya Steelcrusher: Destroy target artifact.

Ozolith, the Shattered Spire

If one or more +1/+1 counters would be put on an artifact or creature you control, that many plus one +1/+1 counters are put on it instead.
{1}{G}, {T}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target artifact or creature you control. Activate only as a sorcery.
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Vandalblast

Destroy target artifact you don't control.
Overload {4}{R} (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, change "target" in its text to "each.")

Court of Garenbrig

When Court of Garenbrig enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
At the beginning of your upkeep, distribute two +1/+1 counters among up to two target creatures. Then if you're the monarch, double the number of +1/+1 counters on each creature you control.

Return of the Wildspeaker

Choose one —
• Draw cards equal to the greatest power among non-Human creatures you control.
• Non-Human creatures you control get +3/+3 until end of turn.

Hidden Gibbons

When an opponent casts an instant spell, if Hidden Gibbons is an enchantment, Hidden Gibbons becomes a 4/4 Ape creature.

Sting, the Glinting Dagger

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has haste.
At the beginning of each combat, untap equipped creature.
Equipped creature has first strike as long as it's blocking or blocked by a Goblin or Orc.
Equip {2}

Three Visits

Search your library for a Forest card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Rampant Growth

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Chaos Warp

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

Spire Garden

Spire Garden enters the battlefield tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Kird Ape

Kird Ape gets +1/+2 as long as you control a Forest.

Ravenous Baboons

When Ravenous Baboons enters the battlefield, destroy target nonbasic land.

Stomping Ground

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)
As Stomping Ground enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

Lightning Greaves

Equipped creature has haste and shroud. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities.)
Equip {0}

Cinder Glade

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)
Cinder Glade enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

Silverback Elder

Whenever you cast a creature spell, choose one —
• Destroy target artifact or enchantment.
• Look at the top five cards of your library. You may put a land card from among them onto the battlefield tapped. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
• You gain 4 life.

Towering Gibbon

Reach
Towering Gibbon's power is equal to the greatest mana value among creatures you control.

Kodama's Reach

Search your library for up to two basic land cards, reveal those cards, put one onto the battlefield tapped and the other into your hand, then shuffle.

Mountain

Primitive Justice

As an additional cost to cast this spell, you may pay {1}{R} and/or {1}{G} any number of times.
Destroy target artifact. For each additional {1}{R} you paid, destroy another target artifact. For each additional {1}{G} you paid, destroy another target artifact, and you gain 1 life.

Nature's Lore

Search your library for a Forest card, put that card onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Liquimetal Torque

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Target nonland permanent becomes an artifact in addition to its other types until end of turn.

Decimate

Destroy target artifact, target creature, target enchantment, and target land. (You can't cast this spell unless you have legal choices for all its targets.)

Pain Distributor

Menace
Whenever a player casts their first spell each turn, they create a Treasure token.
Whenever an artifact an opponent controls is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, Pain Distributor deals 1 damage to that player.

Kird Chieftain

Kird Chieftain gets +1/+1 as long as you control a Forest.
{4}{G}: Target creature gets +2/+2 and gains trample until end of turn. (It can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)

Heroic Intervention

Permanents you control gain hexproof and indestructible until end of turn.

Rogue's Passage

{T}: Add {C}.
{4}, {T}: Target creature can't be blocked this turn.

Gorilla Berserkers

Trample; rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked, it gets +2/+2 until end of turn for each creature blocking it beyond the first.)
Gorilla Berserkers can't be blocked except by three or more creatures.

The Shire

The Shire enters the battlefield tapped unless you control a legendary creature.
{T}: Add {G}.
{1}{G}, {T}, Tap an untapped creature you control: Create a Food token.

All Will Be One

Whenever you put one or more counters on a permanent or player, All Will Be One deals that much damage to target opponent, creature an opponent controls, or planeswalker an opponent controls.

Abrade

Choose one —
• Abrade deals 3 damage to target creature.
• Destroy target artifact.

Kogla and Yidaro

When Kogla and Yidaro enters the battlefield, choose one —
• It gains trample and haste until end of turn.
• It fights target creature you don't control.
{2}{R}{G}, Discard Kogla and Yidaro: Destroy up to one target artifact or enchantment. Shuffle Kogla and Yidaro into your library from your graveyard, then draw a card.

Tree Monkey

Reach (This creature can block creatures with flying.)

Scrounging Bandar

Scrounging Bandar enters the battlefield with two +1/+1 counters on it.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may move any number of +1/+1 counters from Scrounging Bandar onto another target creature.

Red Sun's Twilight

Destroy up to X target artifacts. If X is 5 or more, for each artifact destroyed this way, create a token that's a copy of it. Those tokens gain haste. Exile them at the beginning of the next end step.

Silverback Shaman

Trample
When Silverback Shaman dies, draw a card.

Cultivate

Command Tower

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Taurean Mauler

Changeling (This card is every creature type.)
Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you may put a +1/+1 counter on Taurean Mauler.

Kessig Wolf Run

{T}: Add {C}.
{X}{R}{G}, {T}: Target creature gets +X/+0 and gains trample until end of turn.

Rootbound Crag

Rootbound Crag enters the battlefield tapped unless you control a Mountain or a Forest.
{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Kogla, the Titan Ape

When Kogla, the Titan Ape enters the battlefield, it fights up to one target creature you don't control.
Whenever Kogla attacks, destroy target artifact or enchantment defending player controls.
{1}{G}: Return target Human you control to its owner's hand. Kogla gains indestructible until end of turn.