Earl of Squirrel

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)
Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.
Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Hazmat Suit (Used)

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+1 and has menace.
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches enchanted creature, that player loses 2 life.

Fowl Play

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

Urza's Contact Lenses

Urza's Contact Lenses enters the battlefield tapped.
Urza's Contact Lenses doesn't untap during your untap step.
As long as Urza's Contact Lenses is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.
Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap Urza's Contact Lenses.

Common Courtesy

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Pointy Finger of Doom

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Baron Von Count

Baron Von Count enters the battlefield with a doom counter on "5."
Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.
When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

The Big Top

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Park Map

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

My First Tome

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

D00-DL, Caricaturist

When D00-DL, Caricaturist enters the battlefield, create a 4/4 colorless Sketch creature token, which you have fifteen seconds to draw. The token has flying if it has wings in its art. The same is true for first strike and a sword, vigilance and a shield, menace and mean eyes, trample and horns, deathtouch and claws, lifelink and fangs, and haste and footwear.

Sword of Dungeons & Dragons

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}

Mana Screw

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.
{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Underdome

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Opening Ceremony

Add {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}{C}. You may open a sealed Magic booster pack. Until end of turn, you may cast spells from among the cards in that booster pack.

Mobile Clone

Using a mobile device, take a picture of target creature. That device enters the battlefield as a token that's a photocopy of the pictured creature. (Photocopies include Auras, Equipment, counters, and stickers in the shot. Don't touch other people's phones without permission and be careful if you do.)

Urza, Academy Headmaster

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.
−1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.
−6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

Kill! Destroy!

Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Stocking Tiger

Stocking Tiger enters the battlefield with a sealed Magic booster pack under it.
When Stocking Tiger deals combat damage to a player, unwrap the booster pack and put it into your hand.

Phone a Friend

Call someone and ask them to choose one. If they don't answer, an opponent choses one. (Don't explain anything else. You choose targets.)
• A — Gain control of target creature you don't control.
• B — Choose target creature you control. Create two tokens that are each copies of it.
• C — Take an extra turn after this one.
• D — Draw seven cards.

Gobsmacked

Enchant nonland permanent
As Gobsmacked enters the battlefield, choose a person outside the game.
As long as you can see the chosen person from your seat, enchanted permanent can't attack or block, and its activated abilities can't be activated.

Censorship

As Censorship enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Infinity Elemental

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Border Guardian

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.
Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.
Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Five-Finger Discount

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Mine, Mine, Mine!

When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters the battlefield, each player puts their library into their hand.
Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.
Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.
When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.

GO TO JAIL

When GO TO JAIL enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Killer Cosplay

Whenever Killer Cosplay becomes attached to a creature, choose a creature card name with an identical mana cost. That creature becomes a copy of the card with the chosen name until Killer Cosplay becomes unattached from it.
Equip {3}

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Pippa, Duchess of Dice

{2}{G}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. It becomes a green Die creature token with power and toughness each equal to its result.
{2}{U}, {T}: Reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

Ineffable Blessing

As Ineffable Blessing enters the battlefield, choose a number.
Whenever a creature with exactly the chosen number of words in its name enters the battlefield under your control, draw a card. (Hyphenated words are one word.)

Krazy Kow

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you a roll a 1, sacrifice Krazy Kow and it deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

Form of the Approach of the Second Sun

When this enchantment enters the battlefield, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.

Animate Library

Enchant your library
Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.
If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Charm School

As Charm School enters the battlefield, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.
When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.

Gray Merchant of Alphabet

When Gray Merchant of Alphabet enters the battlefield, choose a letter. For each creature you control that has the chosen letter in its name, you gain 1 life and each opponent loses 1 life.

Ol' Buzzbark

When Ol' Buzzbark enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice onto the battlefield from a height of at least X inches. For each die, put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to the result on each creature you control that die is touching. For each die, Ol' Buzzbark deals damage equal to the result to each creature an opponent controls that die is touching.

Blurry Beeble

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)
Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Nearby Planet

Rangeling (This card is every land type, including Plains, Island, Swamp, Mountain, Forest, Desert, Gate, Lair, Locus, and all those Urza's ones.)
Nearby Planet enters the battlefield tapped.
When Nearby Planet enters the battlefield, sacrifice it unless you pay {1}.

Carnival Barker

{T}: You have thirty seconds to laud a creature you control to any people outside the game. Until end of turn, that creature gains trample and haste and gets +X/+0, where X is the number of those people who applauded. Activate only as a sorcery and only once.

Number Crunch

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

Entirely Normal Armchair

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.
{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.
{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

Who // What // When // Where // Why

Grusilda, Monster Masher

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.
{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

Krark's Other Thumb

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Devil K. Nevil

Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters the battlefield, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)

Autograph Book

Autograph Book enters the battlefield with a page counter on it for each person who has signed it.
{3}, {T}, Remove a page counter from Autograph Book: Draw a card.

Surgeon General Commander

Whenever you augment, enchant, or mutate a creature you control, draw a card.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, {R}, or {G}.

It Came from Planet Glurg

You may have It Came from Planet Glurg enter the battlefield as a copy of X different creatures on the battlefield. (It has their total power, total toughness, combined mana costs, all text boxes, names, art, and so on.)

City of Ass

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Loose Lips

Enchant creature
As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.
Enchanted creature has flying.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Yet Another Aether Vortex

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

Bronze Calendar

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.